Therapy; You Need It More Than You Realize

Seated at the Piano Lounge at the Hilton one evening, Okey and I were mid discussion when he turned to me and asked “do you think I’m f*cked up?” and I replied “aren’t we all a little?“. This I realised after a short while in therapy. Which is so funny because one of my favourite places in Lagos was South Social and only because of the neon sign that read “We’re all mad here” (pictured above). However, the sanity of Lagos is a whole other post.

I went into therapy after certain events left me unravelling. Although I cannot point out exactly when the thread that left me unravelling was pulled, I knew that if i didn’t talk to a professional, it wasn’t going to end well. Coincidentally a friend had recommended a therapist to me some months prior and I set up my first appointment. Here’s what I’ve learned in my short time in therapy

1. Therapy is expensive AF. My first thought when my therapist gave me my bill was “Bondi can’t prayer fix this?”. And then the next thought was, “You’ve spent even more on bags, aren’t you going to prioritize your mental health?” Both thoughts were right, of course prayer could fix it but it never hurt to put actions behind your faith. After all, we pray for healing but still have to take our drugs. Secondly, I wasn’t going to be some designer purse carrying person who was slowly dying on the inside. So I put on my big girl panties, paid the bill and cried in my car later. Just kidding. To be honest, it feels expensive because you’re making a bulk payment, however when you divide it by 52 visits (once a week) or 104 visits (twice a week), you’d see you’re getting a good deal. Moreover, you can’t put a price on mental health.

2. What you don’t deal with, takes root and festers in your mind like a possum infection. I was shocked at some of the revelations I came to as we delved into past events and unpacked them

3. Emotions and feelings are two separate things. Emotions you can’t control but you can water them down into feelings. The emotion & feeling wheel below can help you do that. The innermost circle being the six most common emotions we go through as human beings. Read this article on how to use the wheel https://www.thejuntoinstitute.com/emotion-wheels/

4. Treat emotions and feelings like a visitor. Acknowledge it and then let it be water that flows through you. The mistake we tend to make is hold everything in and then build a dam that eventually erupts. And we all know how disastrous that can be.

5. One of the best things you can do for yourself is recognize and accept that people are different from you. That way you wouldn’t project or internalize their actions.

6. Your therapist will end up becoming the mirror you can’t avoid.

7. How in God’s name had I coped this long without therapy? My poor guardian angel must have been working overtime trying to keep me sane because Lord oh Lord, there was a lot of trauma and suppressed emotions to work through. And if you know me, that would not be your first guess.

I always feel so bougie whenever I sprinkle “my therapist said...” “I’m dealing with it in therapy” into conversations. And I can do this freely because thankfully there’s no stigma about seeing a therapist. Can I just say how proud I am of my generation and the steps we’ve taken in taking mental health seriously. I talk about seeing a therapist and instead of getting judged, I have people asking me about my journey and if my therapist is willing to take on any more new clients. I’ll advice as many Nigerians as I can to go into therapy. We tend not to prioritise therapy and so our emotional intelligence ranking isn’t so high. But when you look at our society I think you would agree with me that at least half of the adult population is in dire need of therapy. And no, retail therapy doesn’t count.