Last night I cried myself to sleep, as I did the night before. Why? I had a deadline for a professional course in Sustainable Finance that I was stressing about. I had already taken a one week extension and wouldn’t be given another. Unfortunately one week wasn’t enough for me to balance work and adult education, so I did what any reasonable person would do; cry. Actually, I wept. I wept uncontrollably, sobbing and heaving because I was stressed out and I didn’t want to fail.
So when I woke up this morning, I decided I was going to wear all-black to depict the bleakness of my mood. I just wanted to have an Elijah-let-me-just-lay-here-and-die moment like in the bible. God took one look at this dramatic daughter and said aht aht get up and eat. I opened my bible and the first scriptures I laid eyes on were Psalm 34:4-6
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.
I had planned out a whole melodramatic day for myself where I wore black from head to toes, down to my shoes and the bag I carried. I was going to go AWOL on my social media and just retreat to a corner so I could “lay down and die”. What I got instead was a divine interruption. I had prayed in the middle of my anxiety party, I had uttered “God help me” so many times and God was reminding me that when we pray to Him, He listens. So I picked myself up and went to work.
Only for my boss to spray sanitizer on my Celine purse, which stained it badly. Y’all the devil is working overtime but guess whose day didn’t end in a bleak mood? Yup, me. Despite the purse fiasco, I went to the salon to pamper myself because I can’t come and kill myself. But also because I know I’ll be alright. If I don’t pass this course on the first attempt, I can always try again.
Remember part of my pity party was to drop off social media and be in a dark place? Well I decided to share how I felt on my instastory and instantly this original quote popped in my head
You experience so you may grow, You share so others may learn
That was my dramatic ass wearing all black for the day…….
