I remember the first time I learned there was a difference between joy and happiness, it was thanks to “I Smile” by Kirk Franklin, where he said
I just don’t want you to be happy, cause then you have to have something happening. I want you to have joy ’cause can’t nobody take that away from you
What no one told me about becoming an adult is that I would have to plan my joy. As a child, my days- and by extension my fun times- were for the most part my parents’ responsibility. They scheduled (and saved for) sleepovers, movie nights, dinners at restaurants, vacations, swimming lessons, church picnics, etc. But as an adult, I’ve learned I can’t just be a participant in my happy moments- I have to orchestrate them.
Talk about another rude awakening from adulting but it’s the truth.
I literally just got back from a summer break where I partied on the beach at Afronation, Portugal, caught up with old friends in London, got sun-kissed at the Louvre in Paris and yet less than 24 hours back in Nigeria, I found my happiness waning. On my first day back, I actually cried myself to sleep.
But then I woke up the next day and remembered the words of my mentor and decided that the two days I had off before returning to the corporate trenches would be dedicated to ochestrating my joy.
On day 1, I took my car for a necessary deep cleaning, after which I drove down to Charcoal for a quality english breakfast, the best in Abuja in my opinion because no one else does it like them. But Nigeria being Nigeria, on my way from the car wash to the restaurant, I got stopped by police at the wuse market bridge claiming I had beat traffic light, which I definitely didn’t. So since they decided to jump in my car, I brought them with me to breakfast and called my fiancé to help me deal with it. Oh the joys of being in a relationship and being able to call your significant other at any slight inconvenience.
Then I proceeded to get some TLC for my nails and toes, an overdue mani/pedi session. And then I ended the day at the Dentist’s for a clean up. Me? At the dentist? I call that growth.
One would have thought that my joy tank would be full by now but no, I cried myself yet again to sleep.
Day 2 rolls by and I decided I wasn’t going to give up on creating joy. So I went for my morning run, freshened up and hit the road. Started the day by going to the bank. Big Mistake. Somehow, it is easier to get a yoruba man to commit to a relationship than close your account with a Nigerian bank. But I’m not even going to get into that. After that hullabaloo, I went to give my scalp an overdue TLC. Which took a good 3 hours on an empty stomach. Tueh. I’m reconsidering growing my tresses and cutting everything again.
Then I went to RovingHeights and got myself two new books, which I hope help me get back into reading. It’s been a while since I finished any book (do not check my activity on GoodReads). I ended my day with an emergency session with my therapist because I needed to vent about what had made me cry two nights in a row.
And do I feel better tonight? You bet my sweet behind I do as I type this with a glass of wine beside me. I may not get the luxury of frequent days-off but I know that moving forward, creating joy for myself is something I’m going to be intentional about. I refuse to be a participant in my happy moments. I used to watch reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S every evening when I was still in Lagos and I think I’m going to bring that back. I’d like to have a bit of joy in my life every day and since as an adult that requires intentionality, I’m willing to give it a shot. I want to know that I at least tried. The things that give me joy have changed over the years. A good 5 years ago, I would have found myself on a shopping spree, using retail therapy to bury my emotions but now, knocking overdue errands off my to-do list and taking some time away from everything and everyone gives me joy. Who knows what would bring me joy in another 5-10 years? Perhaps jumping out of a helicopter would. But I don’t think I would ever willingly put myself in a position of free falling from a ridiculous height.
