To borrow a phrase from my biblical ancestor, Solomon, “there’s something else I’ve noticed under the sun” and it’s the drama that surrounds wedding planning. You may ask what I mean and I’ll tell you; I’ve been around long enough to see friends and relatives get married and the pattern has almost always been the same. 7 out of 10 times that there’s drama surrounding the wedding preparations, it happens to be from the man’s side. And frankly, I just don’t get it.
If it’s not the wedding date then it’s the venue, if it’s not the venue, they want to drag ownership and control of the vendors. Or is it the in-laws who pop up mysteriously and want to have more of a say in what goes in the planning? Having just consoled another friend who was frustrated with the way her wedding planning journey was going courtesy of her fiancé’s family dragging out her introduction date, I started to wonder why certain families make it seem like they were doing you a favour by marrying you. As I sat there and listened to her almost at the verge of tears complaining of feeling helpless cause she can’t exactly force his family to settle on a date, I boiled on the inside. I just wanted to sit his family down and say to them, “excuse me but your son is not the prize”. I don’t know if it’s the patriarchal society we’re in that makes men feel like they are the prize but this cycle has to stop.
Last I checked, marriage benefits men more than women, so why do certain families do “shakara?” Is it not the man who finds a good thing and obtains favour from the woman? Is it not the man who starts to look better after getting married? Is it not the man who is seen to be more responsible the moment he has a wife and kids and gets more advantages from society and even work? Why then do the male families not make the wedding journey smoother considering that it’s their son benefitting more from the union than the girl?
Someone said it’s the first test of marriage but can we stop glorifying suffering on this side of the world? Like no, just stop it. This is not the life Jesus died for us to have and we must put an end to it. I’d like to address the women in my generation with male children because another thing I’ve noticed under the sun is that though the drama originates from the male’s side, the perpetrators are usually women. Ahn ahn aunty, I thought we were doing women supporting women, why do you want to now frustrate someone because they want to marry your son/brother/nephew???? Didn’t you go through the same thing when it was your time, why can’t you change the story now that you’re in a position to? *Sigh* So please, boy moms of my generation; kindly remember what drama you or another woman you know went through and stop the cycle, don’t stress your future daughter-in-law and her family. Drop the selective amnesia and do better because you might just be sowing a seed for your daughter or granddaughter. Selah.