Now that I’m getting older, I find myself going back to watch tv shows and movies I loved when I was much younger. As I watch from a grown perspective, I uncover some lies I was too naive to see or voluntary blind to. For example, after watching Gossip Girl reruns, I knew for a fact that Serena was the toxic one not Blair, although I had always blamed the latter. She and Dan deserved each other because man oh man were they a bunch of toxicity combined. In rewatching Desperate Housewives, I deduced a number of things; Tom was a shitty husband, Susan was a hot mess and Bree had mental problems. One other thing I find so funny is how I thought these people were grown ups back then and now that I’m rewatching some of my favourite shows like Friends as well, I see that they were the age I am now. I wonder if younger people look at my life and find it fascinating not knowing that I’m truly winging it.
The most recent rerun I’ve embarked on is Sex and the City. I’ve always loved SATC, which is evident in my ringtone being the theme song from the series. Tonight, I watched the first movie again and I was appalled at my younger self for shipping Carrie and Big. They were toxic AF! How in the world did we get to a place of seeing them as relationship goals?! Not only did this two date for ten good years, with a sprinkle of break-ups every 3-4 business days but when the time finally came to commit fully, he stood her up. C’mon Big. You had 10 years to feel every form of cold feet and you chose what should have been her fairytale happy ending to make a ridicule of her. I’m truly judging his character. He was a mature man, he could have made more of an effort to communicate his anxieties to her during the planning. And you can’t blame Miranda for her comment, if he was truly ready to commit, her words would have been water off a duck’s back. So yes, Big is cancelled and I’m deleting Carrie and Big’s relationship from my hopeless romantic archive. Any man that wants to do ping pong or ‘jani in jaka’ with my heart like that should stay away. Keep am, it’s not by force.
Now unto Carrie, baby what is you doing? Carrie had a lot of issues most especially with her self esteem. Why was she so desperate for Big that she overlooked all the red flags that were glaringly obvious from season 1 to 6. Their relationship was based on Carrie constantly trying to analyse the meaning behind Big’s actions. How consuming. Relationships shouldn’t be that complicated baby girl. Big was selfish in their relationship from day one, always letting her go and never truly pursuing her till it was convenient for him, dating her for two years first and telling her he wasn’t ready for commitment then moving away and getting married to someone else after. Only to go ahead and have an affair on his new wife of only five months with Carrie amongst many other atrocities. Thinking about it alone repulses me. I just don’t understand why Carrie was so hungry for tiny crumbs of affection from him. Why? Why did she spend so much of her 30s trying to analyse Big when it was so clear that he was a selfish asshole? Remember I said, men are very intentional about their actions. How did I ever side with her? Oh yes I know, she was a writer living the baby girl life in New York and I wanted that. Sigh. On one hand, she still remains goals but for emotional intelligence and growth, I’ll pass.
Samantha on the other hand is my new spirit animal. She knew the truth from day one that these men ain’t shit (I love men don’t worry). Baby girl was all about her bag, goals and orgasms. I’m at the phase in my life where those are the things that matter to me so c’mon team Samantha! Even when she found herself in a pseudo-relationship and it looked like she was losing herself, she didn’t hesitate to say
I love you but I love me more
Go girl. Love her energy and I identify with her more than I identify with Carrie. Isn’t that the beauty of life though? You start out wanting one thing but as you grow your tastes evolve too. Also it is interesting that Samantha was the one who hit on Mr. Big in season 1 though he shut her down. Can you imagine how that would have gone; Big + Samantha. I’m 100% sure there’s no way he would have pulled half the crap he did.
But I’ll tell you the one serious way SATC ruined me. You may laugh at me or judge me but whatever, I’m owning my truth. Remember the scene in the movie where Big proposes to Carrie with the royal blue Manolo Blahnik Hangisi shoes? For a loooooong time, I wanted my proposal to be like that. Now, let me tell you the silly thing about this, I’ve wanted to get these shoes for a while but kept saying, no wait, your Big is going to get them for you. Tragic. Do you know how many sales I passed up on because of this? Just last month, a friend of mine sent me a post of a personal shopper who sourced it at a good bargain and I told her of my hopeless romantic attachment to these shoes. She had a good laugh at me and said to me “you’re a mess“. I agree. But now that I think about it, Carrie did buy the shoes herself. All homeboy did was slip it on her feet. SMH! Again, I’m judging Big. Screw it, I’m buying them. Abeg how much is dollar now?
